Memories

Memories all alone in the moon light...Well it's not exactly night time yet, i would say early evening. But still. I have been taking a trip down memory lane the past few days. I have been blessed with a very good long term memory. I can remember things from a very early age. If I think about a certain memory long enough, I can remember almost every detail, in detail! =) So, I was thinking about the first day of high school. Strange how it just sticks out like a sore thumb. I find that I remember things from high school when I'm not feeling so great about myself. Perhaps this is because I was so unsure of myself in high school. I had no clue who I was back then...although that is implying that I know who I am now, which in all honesty, I'm still trying to figure out. Anyway, back to the memory. I can't remember what I was wearing, but I remember being really stressed about what to wear because it was so important what others thought of me, and I'm sure not one person thought of me that day! I remember being nervous, and walking the halls wondering how I was ever going to fit in. Trying to find people that I knew, and when I did, discovering that a summer away from school can change people....some wouldn't even acknowledge that they knew me, others weren't there, and still others would not care that I was there. Spending most of the day trying to figure out if I was ever going to find a friend. Walking into my Chemistry class and feeling so out place. Peering at a girl with long brown hair and a brae on her head and thinking she looked cool but not even daring to say hi. And then after lunch, going into choir and sitting by myself suddenly the girl from Chemistry comes and sits by me and says "hey you're in my Chemistry class!" Thank you Brianna for being brave enough to come and say hi to me! That was the beginning of our friendship. I remember being so scared and so concerned about what others would think about me! Wondering if I was ever going to fit in. Discovering that most likely, I would not. Struggling. Boys. Girls. Boys. School. Family, Boys...did I mention, boys? wanting to be liked and realizing that i wasn't. never really sure about who I was, or having the confidence to find out. Anyway. I've taken that first day and found that in some ways, I'm still unsure and scared. But also realizing that I am okay. I don't have to be liked by everyone. Realizing as well that I can make mistakes and that that is alright. It's okay that I make mistakes. Really. It is.