So, have you ever been in a conversation and it's going great.
You're talking about kids, or the weather, or the last book your reading. Even the best movie you've just watched. The latest fashion, or the the last episode of Once Upon A Time.
And then it happens.
You've inserted your foot in your mouth, and sometimes it gets lodged in there pretty tight that the best thing to do is turn and run? But heaven forbid you do that! No, you'll just overstay your welcome just a little more and make it even worse.
Yep. That happened to me, last night.
I sat up all night thinking about what I could have said to make it better..oh, besides not saying anything at all? Yeah that would have been helpful.
How do I cure myself of this infliction? I seem to do this a lot. And I would like to think that I am a thoughtful and kind person who wouldn't say mean things. At least not on purpose. So when it happens, it's a thousands times worse I suppose. I toss and turn and can't believe I have done it. And I do it. ANYWAY.
I think my mind sometimes hasn't caught up with my mouth.
And how do you take back those words? You can't. Once they spew forth they are out there like unwanted spawn reeking havoc and you can't really do anything but watch those little devils do their work until the aftermath. And your left scrambling to pick up the pieces.
I once told my mom that her and my dad should have stopped having kids after my sister Jessica. Oops. I hadn't meant it, it was suppose to be a joke. Yeah, lovely joke right? I felt horrible for a week, and then went to apologize, and mom didn't remember it. But I felt horrible that i would even attempt to say something like that. Seriously. who says that?
And then last night, I'm waiting for my daughter at her lesson, talking with a dear friend, we're talking about what it would be like to move. And she said something like, her daughter would not like leaving her grandparents, because she loves being close to her grandparents, and stupid me, I say, "yeah, she would die if you did that" back story, this dear friend had lost a child a few years ago and her daughter has the same disease and yes, she might die too. See, great, EMILY. I didn't even realize what I had said till I had said it. I had just meant, she would hate being away from her grandparents. Yep, great choice of words.
See, foot in mouth.
I want this week to officially be over, like right now, this very minute. It really as been one of those weeks.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Oh Say, what you say
I wish as a mom, I knew the right words to say to my kids at the right moment.
You know, like in the Cosby show. Or Full House, Que music and let the script for the perfect line begin.
But I don't.
Often times I feel like I have no clue what to say to my children. I scramble to find the most simple of things to say, that will make things all right for them at the moment of their current tragedy..Can I kiss that better? Do you need a hug? But those aren't going to fix my problem right now.
Right now, I am at a loss as to what to say to my daughter.
She is in the seventh grade. She feels like an outcast in her school. She feels like people stare at her. She feels like no one likes her. She thinks she is being ignore by everyone in the halls of her school. She is lonely. She spends almost all of her free time at home, with us. She never talks to anyone in her peer group on the phone, or online. She very rarely goes and hangs out with her friends (she very rarely gets invited to things). She does not want to go to Young Women's, because she feels left out there as well. Her best friend has left her behind and only calls if no one else is available. She is with us all the time. Tonight, she was sobbing, she was so lonely and so sad. I had no idea what to say to her! Her outlook on life is so depressing.
She tells me things like "well, sometimes life just sucks and there isn't anything you can do about it" and I have no idea why she feels this way! I would like to think her home life is pretty good. But I know that her life outside of it might not be so great. But this is a girl who just got on the high honor roll, who plays the piano like she was born to it, who reads seven books at a time, who is kind and gentle, who is silly and can make so many jokes, she is the girl who will help her little brother with his blocks, this is the girl who is so gentle....
I wish I could protect her from the social pressures of this world. I think she feels them very deeply. I know she is shy, and it takes a lot for her to get out of her shell. I don't know what she is like around people her age. I assume she is very shy and slightly awkward (weren't we all though) I want those lines from the family shows that make every thing okay for her. That change the course of the episode for her.
What do i tell this beautiful daughter of mine? What can i say that will make her life okay? I can't walk with her in those hallways..I wish I had a wand that would make it so sometimes. I want her to be happy.
What would you say to your child who was feeling lonely and sad and out of sorts?
You know, like in the Cosby show. Or Full House, Que music and let the script for the perfect line begin.
But I don't.
Often times I feel like I have no clue what to say to my children. I scramble to find the most simple of things to say, that will make things all right for them at the moment of their current tragedy..Can I kiss that better? Do you need a hug? But those aren't going to fix my problem right now.
Right now, I am at a loss as to what to say to my daughter.
She is in the seventh grade. She feels like an outcast in her school. She feels like people stare at her. She feels like no one likes her. She thinks she is being ignore by everyone in the halls of her school. She is lonely. She spends almost all of her free time at home, with us. She never talks to anyone in her peer group on the phone, or online. She very rarely goes and hangs out with her friends (she very rarely gets invited to things). She does not want to go to Young Women's, because she feels left out there as well. Her best friend has left her behind and only calls if no one else is available. She is with us all the time. Tonight, she was sobbing, she was so lonely and so sad. I had no idea what to say to her! Her outlook on life is so depressing.
She tells me things like "well, sometimes life just sucks and there isn't anything you can do about it" and I have no idea why she feels this way! I would like to think her home life is pretty good. But I know that her life outside of it might not be so great. But this is a girl who just got on the high honor roll, who plays the piano like she was born to it, who reads seven books at a time, who is kind and gentle, who is silly and can make so many jokes, she is the girl who will help her little brother with his blocks, this is the girl who is so gentle....
I wish I could protect her from the social pressures of this world. I think she feels them very deeply. I know she is shy, and it takes a lot for her to get out of her shell. I don't know what she is like around people her age. I assume she is very shy and slightly awkward (weren't we all though) I want those lines from the family shows that make every thing okay for her. That change the course of the episode for her.
What do i tell this beautiful daughter of mine? What can i say that will make her life okay? I can't walk with her in those hallways..I wish I had a wand that would make it so sometimes. I want her to be happy.
What would you say to your child who was feeling lonely and sad and out of sorts?
Monday, November 19, 2012
The Great Christmas Tree Hunt
It started with a whisper.
Actually, with a suggestion from my mother in law. We were talking about what to do for Thanksgiving. (what do you do? Well, you eat, lots of food, duh) but she wanted to bring back a tradition her and Ryan did as a young family. They would cut down their Christmas Tree every year on Thanksgiving. I think my family did that once. Usually, Dad would pile us Gentry kids into the Big B.Y.U van (it had previously held football players..my dad bought it from the church, so we were special, or at least my parents tried selling this idea to us as kids, because this van was large, blue and white and ugly and embarrassing to ride in) and we would search the valley in every tree lot for the perfect tree. It had to be tall, it had to be skinny, and it couldn't be bushy. There had to be room between each branch so that the ornaments could hang down. Sometimes the search would take hours. At the end of the night, Dad would find his tree, and treat us troopers to hot chocolate. So, I told my mother in law that I would love a real tree.
The idea was to head out on Thanksgiving after our feast and get the trees..and then it morfed into a picnic (what?! people, you don't picnic on Thanksgiving, it's sacrilege) and then it went to our family and Mike's parents would go this last Saturday and get the trees for everyone that wanted one.
We headed up to Cedar City and beyond. Into the mountains. Up and up we drove. As we climbed, the weather changed. We started driving in slush, and then it was turning into a blizzard. So, we turned around and found a spot outside of the blizzard. And we started walking..or attempting to walk. All while being pelted by ice, it wasn't snow, no, it was ice. We followed dirt road (which was snow covered) up through the mountain and kept our eye out for a tree. The thing is, looking for a tree on the mountain is deceiving. You would find this beautiful shaped pine tree and think, EUREKA! I FOUND MY TREE! And you would think, yes, finally, I can get out of the snow and warm up and we can get home...only to look at the tree, and inspect it, only to find that the back side was bare, as in no branches to be found! Mother Nature and all her tricks. It took two and a half hours of hiking in pretty deep snow to find three trees. Keep in mind that there were two women, and we each had our own ideas of a perfect tree, and we were not going to leave the mountain until we found our trees..and two husbands. One who listens to his wife and just went a long with whatever she wanted..and one with his own ideas of a perfect tree and wouldn't listen to his wife..oh, that be mine. :)
Did I mention we brought our children? And an extra set of children? All of whom started complaining about the snow, and being cold, and tired and bored about twenty minutes into this search? One child started about five minutes into the hunt. And did I also mention that I was appointed the illustrious task of dragging a sled with my lazy boned three year old installed inside? And who would not let anyone or anything else reside with him in the sled? My seven year old had worn his old hiking boots (we live in St.George, we don't own snow gear, like snow boots. We are lucky we have gloves and coats) and who told me before leaving that he liked the feel so of his toes being squished? Yeah, I bet you can guess how much he loved that feeling after being in those shoes for about 20 minutes. There were tears. I felt like telling him, "I TOLD YOU SO" but I refrained, but I like to think that I am a mature mom.
I saw my tree the minute we started, it was on the opposite side of the road, but no one heard me. So, for an hour, a whole hour, we hiked through snow, and listened to the kids as they complained ever more loudly that they were wet, and tired and wanted to go HOME. and Mike and his dad kept disappearing in the woods, which you would think would be impossible, because it was all white! But they did. And you can't really hear, so when they shouted at you it wasn't like you were deliberately trying to ignore them..most of the time. It wasn't like you had your mind on other things, like dragging a sled, keeping your eye out for a tree, watching five other children, and listening to your far off husband shouting at you in muffled tones, all while wearing wet sneakers and no hat! (see, no snow gear)
But finally, when we couldn't find any trees with a full set, they listened to me, sort of. I took it upon myself to take the kids back to trucks to get warmed up and wait for the tree hunt to come it luminous end, when I glanced up, and saw my tree, again. So, I told Sariah to take the three year old, who had decided he wanted to play in the snow by this time, back to the truck, and I had trudged up the side of the hill in knee deep snow to my tree and shouted at the top of lungs (what's going on) to the men folk to follow my foot steps.
By this time, Mike had already found a tree, which he deemed well enough (and alright, it was) but I had already waded through the snow, knee deep! So, my father in law and mother in law followed my steps and took the tree I had spotted. THANK YOU. I begrudgingly admitted Mike's tree was alright for our house. Our trees didn't look tall enough for what we wanted, but we were sure we would make them work..
did I happen to mention that in between this, I had to race down the hill, and to the truck because the children thought it was a good idea to lock one of them out of the truck, causing the panic alarm to go off, I have never ran in snow. I was surprised I didn't fall on my behind. And my child, my little baby was screaming his head off? YEP. And then had to walk back to make sure they had found the right tree, and then raced back to the kids..by then it was decided that kids could watch the ipad in our car, with the heater running, so I sat in the car with them. WAITING. It was the longest 15 minutes ever. The hunt my friends was a success.
I will never bring my children again. Or my husband.
He also has opinion on ornaments, and lights, and decor! Who is this man? Let the battle of the Christmas Decor begin.
(my tree does look pretty good, and fills my house with it's piney goodness smell. My seven year old has taken it upon himself to water it, and touch it whenever he can. And it was too tall for our house, by like three feet. I still think it's too tall...)
Actually, with a suggestion from my mother in law. We were talking about what to do for Thanksgiving. (what do you do? Well, you eat, lots of food, duh) but she wanted to bring back a tradition her and Ryan did as a young family. They would cut down their Christmas Tree every year on Thanksgiving. I think my family did that once. Usually, Dad would pile us Gentry kids into the Big B.Y.U van (it had previously held football players..my dad bought it from the church, so we were special, or at least my parents tried selling this idea to us as kids, because this van was large, blue and white and ugly and embarrassing to ride in) and we would search the valley in every tree lot for the perfect tree. It had to be tall, it had to be skinny, and it couldn't be bushy. There had to be room between each branch so that the ornaments could hang down. Sometimes the search would take hours. At the end of the night, Dad would find his tree, and treat us troopers to hot chocolate. So, I told my mother in law that I would love a real tree.
The idea was to head out on Thanksgiving after our feast and get the trees..and then it morfed into a picnic (what?! people, you don't picnic on Thanksgiving, it's sacrilege) and then it went to our family and Mike's parents would go this last Saturday and get the trees for everyone that wanted one.
We headed up to Cedar City and beyond. Into the mountains. Up and up we drove. As we climbed, the weather changed. We started driving in slush, and then it was turning into a blizzard. So, we turned around and found a spot outside of the blizzard. And we started walking..or attempting to walk. All while being pelted by ice, it wasn't snow, no, it was ice. We followed dirt road (which was snow covered) up through the mountain and kept our eye out for a tree. The thing is, looking for a tree on the mountain is deceiving. You would find this beautiful shaped pine tree and think, EUREKA! I FOUND MY TREE! And you would think, yes, finally, I can get out of the snow and warm up and we can get home...only to look at the tree, and inspect it, only to find that the back side was bare, as in no branches to be found! Mother Nature and all her tricks. It took two and a half hours of hiking in pretty deep snow to find three trees. Keep in mind that there were two women, and we each had our own ideas of a perfect tree, and we were not going to leave the mountain until we found our trees..and two husbands. One who listens to his wife and just went a long with whatever she wanted..and one with his own ideas of a perfect tree and wouldn't listen to his wife..oh, that be mine. :)
Did I mention we brought our children? And an extra set of children? All of whom started complaining about the snow, and being cold, and tired and bored about twenty minutes into this search? One child started about five minutes into the hunt. And did I also mention that I was appointed the illustrious task of dragging a sled with my lazy boned three year old installed inside? And who would not let anyone or anything else reside with him in the sled? My seven year old had worn his old hiking boots (we live in St.George, we don't own snow gear, like snow boots. We are lucky we have gloves and coats) and who told me before leaving that he liked the feel so of his toes being squished? Yeah, I bet you can guess how much he loved that feeling after being in those shoes for about 20 minutes. There were tears. I felt like telling him, "I TOLD YOU SO" but I refrained, but I like to think that I am a mature mom.
I saw my tree the minute we started, it was on the opposite side of the road, but no one heard me. So, for an hour, a whole hour, we hiked through snow, and listened to the kids as they complained ever more loudly that they were wet, and tired and wanted to go HOME. and Mike and his dad kept disappearing in the woods, which you would think would be impossible, because it was all white! But they did. And you can't really hear, so when they shouted at you it wasn't like you were deliberately trying to ignore them..most of the time. It wasn't like you had your mind on other things, like dragging a sled, keeping your eye out for a tree, watching five other children, and listening to your far off husband shouting at you in muffled tones, all while wearing wet sneakers and no hat! (see, no snow gear)
But finally, when we couldn't find any trees with a full set, they listened to me, sort of. I took it upon myself to take the kids back to trucks to get warmed up and wait for the tree hunt to come it luminous end, when I glanced up, and saw my tree, again. So, I told Sariah to take the three year old, who had decided he wanted to play in the snow by this time, back to the truck, and I had trudged up the side of the hill in knee deep snow to my tree and shouted at the top of lungs (what's going on) to the men folk to follow my foot steps.
By this time, Mike had already found a tree, which he deemed well enough (and alright, it was) but I had already waded through the snow, knee deep! So, my father in law and mother in law followed my steps and took the tree I had spotted. THANK YOU. I begrudgingly admitted Mike's tree was alright for our house. Our trees didn't look tall enough for what we wanted, but we were sure we would make them work..
did I happen to mention that in between this, I had to race down the hill, and to the truck because the children thought it was a good idea to lock one of them out of the truck, causing the panic alarm to go off, I have never ran in snow. I was surprised I didn't fall on my behind. And my child, my little baby was screaming his head off? YEP. And then had to walk back to make sure they had found the right tree, and then raced back to the kids..by then it was decided that kids could watch the ipad in our car, with the heater running, so I sat in the car with them. WAITING. It was the longest 15 minutes ever. The hunt my friends was a success.
I will never bring my children again. Or my husband.
He also has opinion on ornaments, and lights, and decor! Who is this man? Let the battle of the Christmas Decor begin.
(my tree does look pretty good, and fills my house with it's piney goodness smell. My seven year old has taken it upon himself to water it, and touch it whenever he can. And it was too tall for our house, by like three feet. I still think it's too tall...)
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