Eight Years

Today was a bitter sweet day.  I got to spend the entire day with my kids, running errands, getting treats and listening to them talk.  It was also a day for remembering.  I know I have posted about Quinn before.  Every day, I am reminded of him.  EVERY DAY.  It is in the little things...like when Luke gives his funny little (loud) laugh because he has discovered something funny, usually only to himself, or when Sariah looks at me with her big brown eyes and asks how I am doing and when she is so willing to help with her younger siblings..who are sometimes very annoying to her, or when Ethan does something silly, like singing songs with words only he can understand, but he is having a grand old time singing them!  I love when he shoots his eyebrows as far as they will go, and he tells me something in his little voice, like when he slapped my bum and said his very first full sentence.."Mom go to room and get GUM!".  These are moments when I remember Quinn, and feel that tingle in my heart, and wish above all else that he could be here, experiencing these moments with us. I knew that today would either be one filled to the brim with sadness, or one filled with happiness.  I chose to have a happy day.  I could have drowned in my sorrow, and I could have easily gotten lost in the pain of loosing a precious child, but I chose not too.  A line from a hymn came into my head this morning, today, of all mornings.  "The Lord is on my side"  from Let Us All Press On, in the hymn book.  Just that line.  He really is on my side.  Even when life is getting to me and I am not doing my best in all things, He is still on my side.  I believe he gave me this day to rejoice in the knowledge of eternal families.  Yes, it's hard, yes this day will always bring back those memories, and that deep sense of longing and loss, but I can still fill joy in the blessing I have each day.  Because He is on our side.