Standing UP

I have, like so many of posts on this personal blog, tried to write this post about five times. I'm not exactly sure what I want to say...so, I will just say it and let it rest. I am going to be honest. I have been lazy. Lazy in my life, lazy in my faith, lazy as a mother, as a wife, maybe even as a person. I have not overexerted myself too much of late. Also, I have been ignoring things. My testimony mainly. I have discovered over the course of many months..pin pointing to about October of last year...that testimonies are like rivers. They ebb and they flow. Mine has been on the ebbing side of things. I told my bishop that I was tired. And I stopped. STOPPED. That is the only way I can describe what I have been going through...I stopped. The Lord, however, works in wondrous and often time mysterious ways..okay, maybe not so mysterious, but as evidence of his love, he gives us chance after chance to redeem ourselves. He even opens the way so that we can redeem ourselves I am on such a path. Currently I have been struggling with my ward. I have been wondering if I belong, or fit in. I feel like I am on the outside...I don't feel very welcomed. I don't know if this is my fault, but people in the ward have said some pretty, impolite things to me. It's implied that the side of the ward I live on is almost like the "ghetto" people will say things like "oh, you live on that side of the road". Yeah. I have allowed their comments and the way they treat me to affect my testimony. I have been slowly, but steadily coming to the point where I no longer care what they think about me. My faith in the gospel is not based and nor it should be based on what others think about me. So, I dress a little different than the average "Mormon", so I choose to dye my hair strange and unnatural colors, so I might not live in the fanciest house, or have a fancy car, or dress my kids in TRUE religion clothes..this is no way means that I don't have a testimony, or that I am not a good member of the church. I have had many witnesses of the truthfulness of the gospel. I know that this church is true. I know it. On to my path..a good friend of mine has been wondering if the church is true..she is struggling..a relative I know has left the church and does not believe in the gospel anymore and has implied that we who do, are bad people. I usually don't exert myself when it comes to standing up for the church. Usually it's because I just don't know what to say. But I did. I am not blindly following the teachings of the church. I am not a drone, I am not brainwashed. I love the gospel...I love my Savior. I know, I KNOW this is the true and living gospel. I know it with every fiber of my being. My spirit wants to shout it out...so, I might not look like the average LDS lady, but I have a strong testimony of this gospel, and yes, I might flounder a little..but I find my way back. and I do STAND for TRUTH and RIGHTEOUSNESS! :)