My Dream House

I have lived in my house for ten years now.  We bought our house.  The second one to be built in our little community.

I, with the understanding that this was our starter home.  We would eventually move.  I was okay with the size and the fact that it was a cookie cutter home, and that I had to settle with white walls, and tan floors.  Because we were on a plan, and I could live with a plan.  See, I am patient.

But it's been ten years.  In that ten years, I have waited.  I even painted some walls, but the last time I painted was five years ago.  I am stuck.

And the plan.  A certain someone is content to stay in the cookie cutter home, in the small rooms and the tanned floored rooms.  He likes white and shrink size rooms.

I am not content.

And I am learning that I am not so patient.

It doesn't help that my friends, are all moving on.  They are all getting bigger, beautiful homes.  I wander their large homes and I long for more space.  A huge part of me is happy, very happy for them.  I am.  But a small, very small part of me dies as I walk in their homes.  And I hear their children in my home, tell my children how small my home is.  And ask me why we live in our tiny house.  And I tell myself that I am blessed because I know, I know that there is, are, people who do not have what I have. I KNOW THAT, okay?  But it's hard.  When all I want is a little more.  I don't want a mansion.  I just want some more floor space.  Heck right now, I just want hard  flooring in my bedroom and some grey paint on the walls!

It's letting go, it's learning each time I hear my husband tell me we can't move, or change something in the house, that I have to let go, just one more time, of the plan, the dream I had, still have of something more.  And knowing that I don't want to let go, at all.